


rip the earth in two

by orphan_account



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: China 2015, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 14:12:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3731851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's just now interesting to hear from you, Lewis, you were just thinking about yourself [...] and compromising my race." (Nico Rosberg, actual quote from post Shangai press conference.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	rip the earth in two

"Nico,"   
  
"Don't."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Nico– " He tries again, hand pulling the sleeve of Nico's racing gear. Nico yanks his arm away with unnecessary strength.   
  
"I said don't, Lewis. Don't start."  
  
Nico is out the door before he can say anything else, and Lewis – Lewis feels the adrenaline of the win being clouded by an abundance of other feelings. He's tired and hurt and scared. He's tired of this dance, because they're been doing the same thing for some time now - it's uncoordinated and they keep stepping on each other's toes and they never ever learn. He's hurt because Nico is hurt, and that? That is just them at their finest, not being able to be hurt without hurting the other, too. Lewis has been there before, on both ends. It's not something he's proud of, but you have to pretend and fake until you make it, because in the end, everything is about the race. He's scared, because – he doesn't like to think about why he's scared. It feels like a dead end, when he thinks about the outcome. They don't know how to be close and don't know how to be apart.  
  
Lewis can't–   
  
He doesn't know what, but he can't.   
  
Later, he thinks. He'd try again later.   
  
-

  
When he enters Nico's room, he's standing up in front of his bed, phone trapped between shoulder and cheek, hands occupied with the task of angrily folding his clothes into neat piles inside his suitcase. Nico doesn't seem particularly surprised or happy to see him there.  
  
"Vivi, listen, I have to go," He says into the phone. "I– Yes. Don't ask me that. Okay. Take care, okay? I'll be home soon. Love you too."   
  
Lewis waits for him to say something, anything, but Nico pointedly ignores him, unnecessarily focused on his task. Lewis sits at the end of the bed. He watches as Nico finishes rearranging his suitcase, and looks almost like he wants to do it again just to keep pretending Lewis is invisible.   
  
Lewis extends his hand to Nico, giving back his keycard. "I stole it from your team's assistant earlier."   
  
Nico sighs, slips the card back in his pocket, then zips up his suitcase in defeat and places it beside the bed.   
  
"Did Vivi tell you to say hi?" Lewis asks.  
  
"No." Nico turns his back to him, walks to the window behind Lewis that shows them the most incredible sight of Shangai. They have their backs to each other now.  
  
"Ok. Say hi to her, too."   
  
More silence. Lewis turns around, finally, and slowly makes his way to where Nico is standing. He stops a few steps behind.   
  
"You should go." Nico says. His voice shakes a bit, like Lewis knew it would, because if there's something that betrays Nico, it's his voice.   
  
"Can you imagine if you left me every time I told you to?" Lewis whispers.   
  
"Maybe I should have." Nico says, and that. That Lewis can't take, Nico deliberately trying to hurt him, because it always works.   
  
He takes three steps forward and into Nico's space, carefully puts both hands on his hips, like if he does any wrong movement he's going slip away through his fingers. Nico tenses up even more under his touch.   
  
"Nico, babe," He whispers against the cotton of Nico's shirt as he pulls him back until Nico's back is pressed against his chest. Nico snorts, annoyed, but relaxes slightly, gradually. "Nico..."   
  
"You're so– You think you have the power to just--" Nico mumbles, frustration clear in his voice.   
  
Lewis wraps his arms around his waist, pulling Nico tight against his chest, and he's sure Nico's having slightly trouble with his breathing, but he doesn't care. He knows Nico should have the space to be angry, hurt, frustrated, but he can't let it happen. He can't. It's selfish, he knows, but Nico had already accused him of that earlier, anyway.   
  
"It'salrightit'salrightit'salright," He says, nosing at the exposed skin of Nico's neck, behind his ear, the beginning of his jawline. He smells clean and fresh off the shower, all soap and shampoo, none of the expensive things Lewis uses. "It's alright, babe, we're ok."  
  
Nico shakes his head. "No, you're ok."   
  
Lewis feels a knot forming on the back of his throat. "I got you," He kisses the juncture between Nico's neck and jaw. "I still got you."  
  
Nico closes his eyes and sighs heavily, leaning into Lewis for a second before pushing him away. When Nico finally faces him, when they finally lock eyes, Lewis doesn't know for a second what's his next step. He doesn't know if Nico is going to punch him, kiss him, yell at him or just go away, shut him down completely.   
  
But they're still them.  
  
They're still Lewis and Nico, so Nico grabs him, one hand on the back of his head and the other on the front of his shirt, yanks him forward and crashes their lips together. It's violent and there's teeth and they share hot breaths more than they kiss, but it's okay, they're be back, they’re on their way to.   
  
"I'm so. Angry. I'm so angry at you right now–" Nico whispers against his mouth. Lewis sneaks his hands under his shirt and his skin is still hot from the race, from the shower.   
  
"I know. I didn't mean to do anything to slow you down,"  
  
"You're so. Fucking. Selfish–" Nico says between trying to kiss him and hate him, or kill him with his mouth, Lewis can't be sure, much less when Nico turns them around and presses Lewis against the glass window, Shanghai shining behind him as the night falls.   
  
"So are you." Lewis says, and kisses him forcefully, properly this time, shoves his tongue into his mouth and licks his way inside. Nico retaliates by pulling at his hair, sucking his bottom lip until it hurts. Lewis tries not to moan or hiss, fails miserably.  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"I got you," Lewis says for the third time. "You know I do, right? I do."   
  
Nico drops his head on Lewis shoulder, who pulls him impossibly closer. It's suffocating, familiar.  
  
"I wish," Nico breathes heavily on his neck. "I didn't love you so much that it destroys me. I wish I didn't want to destroy you, too."  
  
Lewis laughs, because there's nothing else he could do. "You're so dramatic."   
  
"You're an asshole."   
  
"It's a talent." Lewis says, turning his head so he can kiss Nico's hair. "I love you, too."  
  
Nico stills in his arms, because Lewis rarely says that back. Lewis knows it, knows that Nico can count on one hand how many times Lewis had done so, with those actual words.   
  
"We should get going."   
  
"Yeah," Lewis nods, but kisses him on the lips one last time. It's soft this time, the way people do in normal relationships. "Toto's already pinching the bridge of his nose because of us."  
  
"I'll tell Vivian you said hi." Nico says when Lewis is already at the door. Lewis smiles a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u very much to my best friend who's awful and cried w me at some ungodly hour in the morning and came up with basically half of this. i'm really sad and i hate them immensely.


End file.
